I've Been Thinking: Sling-shots, Snow-horses, & Jealousy

So I’ve been thinking a lot…and if anyone who really knows me reads this, they will know that that is a very dangerous thing. For instance…at one point in time I thought it would be good to let my friend Mike Stetter sling-shot me off of a slack line. At first only Mike pulled me back as I sat on the webbing strung between two trees, only to release me and have me flip and land softly on my back in the grass just below where I was sitting. Before I knew it I was balancing on the slack line with 10+ people pulling back as a leaned forward, waiting to be shot forward into the back yard. What really happened was I went faster and flipped faster and landed on my head faster than before and hurt my back. So…as that scenario clearly demonstrates, it is sometimes bad when I begin to think.
But really I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. About what I want to do in life. About who I want to be in life. It is no secret that I love God. At least I hope its not something hidden from view…so if you happen to be reading this and didn’t know that, then I’m telling you right now, “I love Jesus Christ. Aaaaaamen.” It is also no secret that I’m more than a little ridiculous. I am 22 years old and I work at Lone Tree Ranch in the Capitan mountains, and my main job is to entertain kids and tell them about Jesus. I have on more than one occasion worn a heart suit and run around hugging people, asking them if they can “feel the love,”, just to entertain kids and make them laugh at me. Some people would say that I’m slightly obsessed and strangely good at impersonations…I’ve been known to wear Captain Jack Sparrow outfits and Ninja Turtle costumes…if you don’t believe me go to Youtube and search for “AWCJnew.avi”. That first result is definitely me.
I am by no means old…and I really don’t feel that there is any specific age that a person has to try and “be mature,” but I am 22 and I am beginning to think that perhaps there needs to be something more behind my carefree ridiculousness than the ability to make kids laugh…I feel the need and desire to…have my stuff together.
At the same exact moment I am not saying that I’m will stop being ridiculous…Its too much fun to make kids laugh at my ridiculous behavior and seeming lack of the ability to be embarrassed…and I’m good at it. I sometimes tell people that I relate better with the mid-highers than I do with people my own age…I definitely feel like God has gifted me with this. I know where my heart lies.

I feel as if I’ve been rambling thus far…what I would like to explain is what specifically I’ve learned and been thinking about lately.
This past weekend an amazing friend of mine came to visit…we were going to go on an epic overnight horse ride and be hardcore, but it snowed like Christmas morning, leaving all of our manly hardcore adventures frozen under the snow. My friend, Forrest Powell, is probably one of the most legit people you’ll ever meet. To describe him I’d have to say that he is a jack of all trades. Since he graduated high school he has gone to 4 different colleges and changed his major 3 times. If I ever need a crime-fighting, horse wrangling, bull bucking, number crunching, fire fighting, EMT welder, then Forrest is my man.
After our horse riding adventure was buried in the snow we had a lot of time to catch up on life and discuss how God has been growing in our lives…and it turns out that both of us have gone through painful girl trouble in the past couple of months…here is the revelation that Forrest learned and shared with me as told in my words:

I think there’s something to the wedding analogy given by God. We are to be the bride of Christ and he is to be our bridegroom…I’ve always had a tough time understanding that analogy because…well because I’m a dude…and if I ever dream about being a bride it’s a very strange dream indeed. But if you think about it God is just trying to explain to us what being with Christ is like. The anticipation of the wedding day…the white dress, the music, the celebration…the cake.
It makes sense if you’ve ever cared about someone in a romantic fashion. That gooey gooshy warm fuzzy feeling you get when they’re around. The thought of seeing that person brightens your entire day…Now when I think about Christ, I don’t have exactly that same desire…its not like I want to crawl in his lap and rub his beard while staring longingly into His eyes…but I do want to be around Him…and I do long to see and talk to Him. No beard rubbing, but deep connection…yes.
Here’s where it all comes together for both myself and Forrest. There’s a story in Exodus chapter 32 where Moses is up on the mountain getting the 10 Commandments… and he’s been up there for a while. Meanwhile down at the bottom of the mountain the Israelites are…being bad. In the 40 days that Moses has been away the Israelites have melted down all of their gold jewelry and made a golden cow statue to worship…a cow. I mean…it’s a cow…and if you’re going to make an idol why not make something cool…like an eagle…or a Tasmanian devil or something? Anyways, Moses comes down from the mountain and kicks butt. He throws down the tablets in his anger, has the cow melted and then ground down, and then he throws the gold into the water and makes the people drink it. And usually I just shake my head at that part…make them drink the gold? Sounds like something people do on MTV Cribs…but it turns out that the reason for the drinking gold is in Numbers chapter 5...and it’s the test to see if a woman has cheated on her husband. If she drinks the water and her leg swells up then she’s adulterous…if not then she just got a rich diet…After finding that out it makes a little sense…let me tie it all together.
We have a jealous God. He wants us and only us. He doesn’t want to share…and to be honest I don’t blame Him. Forrest and I both were recently in relationships…we won’t name names…but in both our cases the female party moved on rather quick…and we felt slightly betrayed…and more than a little jealous.
Here’s where Forrest’s knowledge comes into play. It clicked in his head at this point that the rejection and sadness we feel at that sort of turn of events is what God must feel like every time we put our trust in anything other than him…and I make fun of the golden cow that the Israelites made, but the things that I run to are more laughable: Sleep, girls, video games, TV shows…and to think that God takes us back and says to us, “As far as the east is from the west, that is how far your transgressions are removed.” He takes us back, wipes off the dirt, and then embraces us anew. Every. Time…and so we come to a crossroad of sorts…we are called to love like Christ loves. We are told to do what He does…and to be honest, neither one of us knows if we can forgive like that. We are by no means God…and we are by no means supposed to be little pansies and take abuse from others…but really? I don’t know if I could accept back certain individuals even with a sincere apology.
I don’t know…Its something that I’m working on…God is working on. Its spurring me on to, “get my stuff together,” and follow God closer. I want to be responsible. I want to grow up a little bit. I want to forgive those who have wronged me as I have wronged God. I want to stop building golden cows and worship the one true God.
I want to show others the love He has lavished upon me.