Wanted: Dead or Alive

I’ve decided that I want to be…hardcore. At the beginning of the month I moved up to Lone Tree Ranch and my new roommate is someone that I consider to be hardcore. In fact when kids come to camp I tell everyone that Shane, my roommate, is half Chuck Norris…whom we all know to be hardcore. Chuck Norris is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Anyways; I once witnessed Shane walk out of a dust-devil wearing chaps, spurs, a cowboy hat, and a duster. The man can fly airplanes. He is pretty hardcore.

In my pursuits of being hardcore I have done the following things:
1.) I bought $90 hiking shoes. (being hardcore is expensive)
2.) We found mountain lion tracks near our house.
3.) I ran the Screamer (a 40 foot tall swing) at night. In January. In the snow.
4.) I’ve cleaned 100 toilets in 2 weeks. (Gross? Yes. Hardcore? Definitely)
5.) I’ve run from the Worship Building to my house. Without a flashlight. (Its dark out here….and if you count hardcore option #2, that makes doing anything in the dark hardcore.)

So…maybe I’m not that hardcore yet…actually not at all…but I’m going to take it to the next level. We don’t have a group here this weekend…and so we get the weekend off…and in that weekend off Shane and I have decided to travel to Tombstone…A.K.A. “The town too tough to die.”
I can see it now: I’m going to roll up there in my truck…the Ranger…that’s hardcore right?…and spit. Because that’s what you do when you’re hardcore. I will then go to the closest saloon and order milk…on the rocks. Whole milk. None of that sissy stuff. I’ll then start a bar fight. After that I’ll walk out of the saloon…leaving overturned tables and the like in the background…the dust settling behind me will silhouette my manly frame in the doorway. Then the sheriff will enter. He’ll simply look at me…tip his hat and then hurry on his way. The sheriff is a smart man…he wishes to keep his life.
After that I’ll mosey to the steal horse across the street…a loaded 6-string on my back. And I will ride into the sunset…wanted…dead or alive.

That won’t happen. But I can dream can’t I?